you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
