and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize