And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
