I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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