he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
