What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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