Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
