Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
