You just made me feel so damn special
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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