Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Boobs speak an international language.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
