my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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