Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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