Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
