I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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