...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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