so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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