I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
