just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
BRING THE BAGELS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
