i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
