bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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