I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
