I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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