I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
