why didn't you poke me back
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
