I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
