Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
