We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
