Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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