I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
