I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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