The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
