Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's great music for shaving your balls
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
