She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize