just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
