he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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