we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there was a trapeze. enough said
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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