You smell like stripper and shame
She announced her abortion via fbk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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