my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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