SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
