Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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