Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
