You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
