the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
