So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
