hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
