Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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