you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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