Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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