just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
