Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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