New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
