I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
