Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
