is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
