I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
