U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
