we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
