So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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