so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
