Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
